There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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