mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
