so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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