it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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