i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
