oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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