To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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