Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
