i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
