You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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