Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He shit in the fireplace
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
