I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
