I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
