she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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