take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize