Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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