Don't make out with my wife yet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
