Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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