my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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