you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
