we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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