i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
