you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
