Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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