apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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