We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
