smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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