I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
