What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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