6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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