got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
