I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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