physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You can't motorboat a personality
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your cock deserves a montage
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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