***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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