dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
