just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize