I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
