y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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