I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
