i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Randomize
