just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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