I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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