You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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