you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
