I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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