He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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