i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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