While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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