Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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