genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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