I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
