No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
