Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
40s are totally the cure
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
