going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize