Duck Duck Cougar?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
