yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
