I can tuck mytits in my pants
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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