I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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