so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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