I met the friendliest cop last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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