Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize