If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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