The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
