"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
