one two three fourrrrnication!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
