So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
