dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
