On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
