My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
