U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
