my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
