I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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