my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
