Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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