About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
