I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just pee around me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
