My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
