So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's shark week go big or go home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
