My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
