Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
