fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
