im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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