Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
