fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
