I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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