I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
