Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
