that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
