just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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