Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize