He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
