im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize