I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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