Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize