party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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