AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
