you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
