help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
