can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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