Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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