My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We need to get me chipped asap
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
