cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
