I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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