dude i'm inner monologue high
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
