Life is so much better after having sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
